At once I used to be able to

Figure it out.

Even

if you could listen

I doubt

I could

ex-plain.

HC-TEKS.

HC-Teks here! I'd just like to point out that I won't be at the following event/party, but a fellow much like myself will be. If you happen to stumble upon his presence please take a moment of your time to greet & meet myformerself. It shall be pleasant.

-SKETCH.

Woke up & baked, but everyday I'm realizing that

Everyday I love you less & less

"If YOU LOVE WEALTH more than LIBERTY, the tranquility of servitude better than the

animating contest of FREEDOM, DEPART from US in PEACE. We ask not your counsel

nor your arms. Crouch down and lick the hand that feeds you. May your chains rest

lightly upon you and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen."

Samuel Adams, (1722-1803)

U.S. Founding Father and Public Enemy #1

It saddens me daily to see that we (humanity in general) are chemically dependent. Even more when I realize that there is not a thing we can do.

Do you love a person because of who they are or because of how they make you feel? Or maybe you're ADDICTED to the chemicals your brain releases when you're around a certain person?

The same effect when you purchase materials?

We're quick to draw & shoot aimlessly in the dark only if we assume that we're in the clear.

Only once we've dumped the whole clip do we realize that the bullets hit closer to home than we come to the realization that a bullet never discriminates based upon religion, race, gender, or sex.

Today I visited my old friend Reality. I wasn't welcome, so it was.

& the door was sealed shut. I'll exist elsewhere.

"Anthrax, death threats, X enhance sex

Steroids effects pecs, abs and biceps

Advil relieves pain, trees deceive brains

Just add a little chemical, you start to see thangs

Water filled with fluoride'll fix up your teeth

Hormones are gettin pumped in pigs, chicken and beef

Alcohol slurs words, Mydol controls birds

Xanax calms your nerves if your brain's disturbed

Vitamin C for health to take care of yourself

And you can even cure AIDS if you got enough wealth

Food coloring tricks you, glucose addicts you

All the dirty shit in food is why your clothes don't fit you

Red Bull pumps your energy, weed fucks with memory

Coke mixed with Hennessy turns friends to enemies

Pills to stop pregnancies, slow the flow steadily

Incredible, we're based on a chemical dependency"

-Apathy

Today

I managed to keep my eyes dry, still I couldn't find the means to drive you out of my mind.

I'm building a solid foundation.

Better yet, your actions are aiding me in my conquest to forcibly expel you from my brain.

SLIP AWAY.

DONE.

GONE.

I NEED

seasonal depression.

"Shy people notice everything, but never get noticed themselves"

I think things & I desire to share them with you, but my mind seems to negate these feelings simply because I assume that they've been said before.

I want to tell you things, but there seems to be some sort of sickness in my head which retains me from doing so because I can't put them into words that sound attractive in my head.

I want to crack my skull, much like an egg, so that I can spill all my thoughts onto a piece of paper, canvas, shoe, wall, sky, shirt, faces, heads, fingers, hands, arms, wagons, buses, cars, hearts & many inanimate objects because every time I start to write it seems like every pen I touch is filled with disappearing ink.

I feel anger, but never enough to justify a RE-ACTION (only well though critical actions).

I feel love, but not in the sense of a relationship & I've been a few years overdue.

but much like everyone else my insecurities multiply before my very eyes

allowing for the creation of fallacies, which slowly begin to fill my head.

as their numbers increase I begin to believe in them.

my confidence, or lack there of...has up & gone.

I can't find any interest in anything.

the things I once loved so dearly & held so close to my heart have turned their back on me.

I no longer feel hate.

It used to be that I couldn't understand anything I hated.

The pieces just would not fit despite all the strength I added.

The puzzle was not complete.

Then I realized that there are things which will either directly or indirectly affect me & I will have no control over them whatsoever. I couldn't hate what I had no control over.

Then I realized that there were opinions and thoughts that I surrounded myself with on a daily basis which I didn't feel to comfortable dressing in, yet were as real as the sun. Again, I couldn't hate what I had no control over.

Then I realized that what is in ME isn't in SHE, or HE, or HIM or HER, or THEY & definitely not THEM.

& these things would continue to function properly.

Generating and instilling life in their shells.

Which IS and ALWAYS WILL BE completely different from those that fill mine, yet still retain a sense of similarity. Again, I would learn that these are THINGS are THINGS which I had NO CONTROL over.

I'm not gonna beat a dead horse here.

I rarely find joy in repetition, but depression doesn't seem to get it.

Am I standing up?

Would you care to talk?

maybe share a thought or exchange some vowels?

Should i wear my seatbelt or catch a ride with death?

pay no mind to the warning signs, this is a cold call.

what am i?

I'm not perfect, but this you knew.

"my cups half-empty" is more than a clue.

I thought my sun was beginning to rise, but it's only their moon in disguise.

I guess I didn't know myself as much as I thought I knew you.

Live from some strangers skin

I have this horrible habit.

optimist...pessimist

optimist...pessimist

optimist...pessimist

optimist..pessimist.

.optimist.pessimist.

2.14

dodge a few arrows to avoid the pain

come to realize it's still the same.

will you be my valentine?

YES!

Today is a BRAND SPANKIN' NEW DAY.

I never thought I'd see one of these again.

all I want to do is...

listen to sad songs with you.

so by mistake you step in a muddy patch of grass on your way to breakfast.

life ain't so bad.

so my shoe & pants are a little muddy & my socks are a little wet, but i'm good.

So I get to the cash register. can i get #4?

"i'm sorry son breakfast just ended a few minutes ago."

"aww no way really? My watch reads 9:58am."

"I'm sorry son the cooks just turned off the stove"

"hey no worries, I'll just get up early tomorrow."

It's cool I didn't care the real reason I wasn't so angry was because I left my wallet at home.

I'd rather not borrow your dollar Friend 'Y'.

Hey my sock has a hole.

hey my shirts got a stain.

hey i'm really hungry.

hey my friends just went home.

hey i'm really cold.

my stomach is turning.

i don't feel so well.

i want to go home.

may i borrow your sweater?

i'm sorry if i'm annoying.

if i screamed into the grand canyon and there was no one around would it echo?

if i cried and never felt better could a band-aid save me?

if i never loved would i ever live?

if i never lived would i ever exist?

& what's love anyway?

why can't i have my cereal for breakfast?

why must i always be the one in trouble?

why do my friends always go before i do?

when is it my turn?

hey want to borrow my sleeping bag?

want some hot chocolate?

so I

add 1

to 2

and my product is 3.

but 3 is company and someone's got to be alone in the end.

i'm a little exhausted.

and it's been hurting for too long.

i mean a little 'i'm glad you made it this far & haven't fucked up" would be cool.

maybe something real or from the heart.

a little emotion wouldn't hurt.

you're not a robot & it wouldn't disappoint your culture to show your family some love.

hahaaha, but hey let's be real I'll be fine tomorrow.

good night.

I constanly

find myself living in old memories I'll never experience again.

I always lose myself in thoughts which have no end, but there really is no infinite.

When I start to disclose information about the matter which occupies my mind I start at the end.

& when I want to smile & be happy I look for denial & a river full of tears.

but when I want to cry & press down on my insides...I run & hide from the understanding eye.

& now I will

attempt to philosophize with a

...HAMMER.

The walls have ears so I wrap myself in silence.

Even in a crowd I'd feel alone...my greatest friend has always been solitude.

When I chew I hope I choke.

closer & closer to isolation i tread.

Please, DO NOT EAT.

surfin' along the mad waves

i stumbled upon the find of the century.....

sike.

I just lost what I thought was found.

"Human beings are funny. They long to be with the person they love but refuse to admit openly. Some are afraid to show even the slightest sign of affection because of fear. Fear that their feelings may not be recognized, or even worst, returned. But one thing about human beings puzzles me the most is their conscious effort to be connected with the object of their affection even if it kills them slowly within."

-Sigmund Freud

WHER

EIS

MUI

MEYEND??

It's

a surprise you haven't caught on yet.

it's nothing personal you're an...

embarrassment.

don't cut me out.

Eye

have never worn a smile for this long.

Although it's new to me, I thoroughly enjoy it.

Some times I do wish there were Infinites.

I've had the best winter break in my entire life!

Chronic of Fresnarnia, Radddmouth (new song) in other cities, mountains & mountains of white lines, ultimate shredding/sledding, penetrating sin city, gambling, wonderful flowers, HPYHOURS, all my great friends.

Great hustle guys!

School starts in 2 weeks. I gotta purchase all those scholarly necessities & get to bizness.

save cash for my tuition, coachella, a dizzzzknee pass & to fix my freakin bike.

I might take a break from dating mary janet...we're not seeing things eye to eye lately.

I've been living w/out Rambo now for an entire year.

I can't believe that it's already been a year since my buddy moved on & freed his spirit.

I'll be a veg. for a year this Wednesday & I couldn't think of a better way to celebrate than attending One World's monthly buffet.

I need to go eat at My Vegan also.

okay, well I feel like I'm rambling now...so peace.

Inspiration

is EMPTY, still, cold, life-LESS, dark, isolated, apathetic, & chemically instable.

please do NOT attempt to utilize your brain.

continue living in shame, never allowing yourself to think critically or any further than a surface level.

Today ruled. Snow/Ice.

getting kicked out of an open field.

driving around for hours. finding mad hills & slopes to bomb.

snow fights, 2UB/TR3 sled rides, crazy spills//frozen ass, dome-home, pubic fries & whitesaus.

all day Mary J. session. car naps.

TASTY

GOODY.

What

is all the commotion about?

I'm all alone on an island of misery. To flee would mean...?