this cup

despite the hours spent carrying buckets full of water, it just never seems to fill.

and it's expanding further & further past infinity.

i don't know what to do with my life.

the first time i saw you i knew it would never last
i'm not half what i wish i was
i'm so angry
i don't think it'll ever pass
and i was bad news for you just because
i never meant to hurt you

so it's either

half-empty

.

half-full


in either case
in circles i venture
in pursuit of a line
to fill the holes in my head
before the void expands past the great open skies.

Semester

reaches the inevitable. This Thursday, circa 4:20 Pacific Standard Time, I will take the dive into the great unknown summer2009.

Washington Thursday night-Monday morning.
Summer School (via my own thoughts/reading adventures).
outdoors on wheels.

Come see Badmouth @ Sound & Fury.

2009 April 28.

It would appear as though I have been neglecting you once more. Reason being is that I've allocated my time in a more efficient manner. One in which my main focus is School.

Yet I've come across another little blip in the road.
It's not really helping.

Could it be that this is a sign from a higher being or am I just feeding the fire with invisible gas?

I think it's time for a tour.
Either decision would only read me to the inevitable conclusion.
CHOOSE THE PATH WHICH HOLDS MOST FUN.

Obsession:

ob⋅ses⋅sion   [uhb-sesh-uhn]
–noun
1. the domination of one's thoughts or feelings by a persistent idea, image, desire, etc.
2. the idea, image, desire, feeling, etc., itself.
3. the state of being obsessed.
4. the act of obsessing.


my thoughts are always dominated by idea/images/desires.
bombarded each & everyday with depictions of how man should act or be like.
fit me into that nice pair of tan khakis.
cut my hair. trim my beard. polished old car shines bright in the sun.

but i'm no car.
in fact i hate concrete. i don't like sidewalks.






I WANT TO HAVE SEX IN THE WILDERNESS.
sober.
and drunk.

so stoked.

I am the most impatient of them all.
I am the one who beats myself up & grounds myself.

I am my own worst enemy & what makes it even worse
is
that
I
FUCKING
know
it.