I NEED

seasonal depression.

"Shy people notice everything, but never get noticed themselves"

I think things & I desire to share them with you, but my mind seems to negate these feelings simply because I assume that they've been said before.

I want to tell you things, but there seems to be some sort of sickness in my head which retains me from doing so because I can't put them into words that sound attractive in my head.

I want to crack my skull, much like an egg, so that I can spill all my thoughts onto a piece of paper, canvas, shoe, wall, sky, shirt, faces, heads, fingers, hands, arms, wagons, buses, cars, hearts & many inanimate objects because every time I start to write it seems like every pen I touch is filled with disappearing ink.

I feel anger, but never enough to justify a RE-ACTION (only well though critical actions).

I feel love, but not in the sense of a relationship & I've been a few years overdue.

but much like everyone else my insecurities multiply before my very eyes

allowing for the creation of fallacies, which slowly begin to fill my head.

as their numbers increase I begin to believe in them.

my confidence, or lack there of...has up & gone.

I can't find any interest in anything.

the things I once loved so dearly & held so close to my heart have turned their back on me.

I no longer feel hate.

It used to be that I couldn't understand anything I hated.

The pieces just would not fit despite all the strength I added.

The puzzle was not complete.

Then I realized that there are things which will either directly or indirectly affect me & I will have no control over them whatsoever. I couldn't hate what I had no control over.

Then I realized that there were opinions and thoughts that I surrounded myself with on a daily basis which I didn't feel to comfortable dressing in, yet were as real as the sun. Again, I couldn't hate what I had no control over.

Then I realized that what is in ME isn't in SHE, or HE, or HIM or HER, or THEY & definitely not THEM.

& these things would continue to function properly.

Generating and instilling life in their shells.

Which IS and ALWAYS WILL BE completely different from those that fill mine, yet still retain a sense of similarity. Again, I would learn that these are THINGS are THINGS which I had NO CONTROL over.

I'm not gonna beat a dead horse here.

I rarely find joy in repetition, but depression doesn't seem to get it.

Am I standing up?

Would you care to talk?

maybe share a thought or exchange some vowels?

Should i wear my seatbelt or catch a ride with death?

pay no mind to the warning signs, this is a cold call.

what am i?

I'm not perfect, but this you knew.

"my cups half-empty" is more than a clue.

I thought my sun was beginning to rise, but it's only their moon in disguise.

I guess I didn't know myself as much as I thought I knew you.

Live from some strangers skin

I have this horrible habit.

optimist...pessimist

optimist...pessimist

optimist...pessimist

optimist..pessimist.

.optimist.pessimist.

2.14

dodge a few arrows to avoid the pain

come to realize it's still the same.

will you be my valentine?

YES!

Today is a BRAND SPANKIN' NEW DAY.

I never thought I'd see one of these again.

all I want to do is...

listen to sad songs with you.

so by mistake you step in a muddy patch of grass on your way to breakfast.

life ain't so bad.

so my shoe & pants are a little muddy & my socks are a little wet, but i'm good.

So I get to the cash register. can i get #4?

"i'm sorry son breakfast just ended a few minutes ago."

"aww no way really? My watch reads 9:58am."

"I'm sorry son the cooks just turned off the stove"

"hey no worries, I'll just get up early tomorrow."

It's cool I didn't care the real reason I wasn't so angry was because I left my wallet at home.

I'd rather not borrow your dollar Friend 'Y'.

Hey my sock has a hole.

hey my shirts got a stain.

hey i'm really hungry.

hey my friends just went home.

hey i'm really cold.

my stomach is turning.

i don't feel so well.

i want to go home.

may i borrow your sweater?

i'm sorry if i'm annoying.

if i screamed into the grand canyon and there was no one around would it echo?

if i cried and never felt better could a band-aid save me?

if i never loved would i ever live?

if i never lived would i ever exist?

& what's love anyway?

why can't i have my cereal for breakfast?

why must i always be the one in trouble?

why do my friends always go before i do?

when is it my turn?

hey want to borrow my sleeping bag?

want some hot chocolate?

so I

add 1

to 2

and my product is 3.

but 3 is company and someone's got to be alone in the end.

i'm a little exhausted.

and it's been hurting for too long.

i mean a little 'i'm glad you made it this far & haven't fucked up" would be cool.

maybe something real or from the heart.

a little emotion wouldn't hurt.

you're not a robot & it wouldn't disappoint your culture to show your family some love.

hahaaha, but hey let's be real I'll be fine tomorrow.

good night.