K.I.D.S. - (remix play ground disco-smiles for miles remix)

LIFE AS A CHILD-Tender, Innocent, Fragile, picking and choosing from a pool of characteristics to become a hybrid of everything they see and or hear.

how painless and happy life was a little tyke...how fun and exciting it was to get a happy meal and the toy inside. saturday morning cartoons and friday night movies. hot wheels, ninja turtles, power rangers and x-men. believing in jolly old st. nick & the tooth fairy & that my older sisters were seeds my dad planted in my mother's belly button. yet with no regard for sanity or humanity, reality comes & does away with all the pre-conceived notions that come installed on our hard drives as children.

To be young and full of imagination and passion and inspiration. To be a child. To let my mind run free & be able to love endlessly. To go out & put my rain boots on & splash in the puddles. To be Me again...

J.

L.

as a toast to the hope I have for the future and all the young minds.

Apparently

Twitpic likes to change the URL on older pictures once you upload a new one.

I would edit my previous post, but I am far too lazy to do it.

I want to go buy (500) Days of Summer, but I don't want to deal w/the holiday ppl.

I have

...a really awesome tape player.

(Homie: R2)

Earlier today I went & bought my family & friends gifts for X-mas. I made the mistake of choosing the mall as a place to start my quest. I was immediately annoyed, frustrated & hating myself for starting at the mall. I can't stand all the those loud people, their loud crying babies, the insane amount of cars that flood the streets like ants exiting an anthill, how ungrateful these people are and the horrible attitudes they posses. I still managed to get the gifts and meet up with my buddy (Mr. Kaper).

Work promptly begins @ 3:30 A.M.

cheers ladies & germs

"Things are starting to look up.

I'm not so sad anymore", She said.

"We ain't got no money honey, but we've got rain"

let me befuhree

i lie on a bed of bones.
my mind in a social coma.
INdIffereNce becoMEs me.
I tried to care, but found nothing there.
I chased after you, but never caught up.


i guess this will be just another lonely christmas time.
i guess i'm all out of luck.

Happy Genocideday.

Trust me I've been wanting to post on this damn blog for the longest time now, but I had forgotten my password & the answer to my security question. Good thing I found a way around it.

anywHOOTERS, have a great day w/your families, friends & significant others.
cheers.

this cup

despite the hours spent carrying buckets full of water, it just never seems to fill.

and it's expanding further & further past infinity.

i don't know what to do with my life.

the first time i saw you i knew it would never last
i'm not half what i wish i was
i'm so angry
i don't think it'll ever pass
and i was bad news for you just because
i never meant to hurt you

so it's either

half-empty

.

half-full


in either case
in circles i venture
in pursuit of a line
to fill the holes in my head
before the void expands past the great open skies.

Semester

reaches the inevitable. This Thursday, circa 4:20 Pacific Standard Time, I will take the dive into the great unknown summer2009.

Washington Thursday night-Monday morning.
Summer School (via my own thoughts/reading adventures).
outdoors on wheels.

Come see Badmouth @ Sound & Fury.

2009 April 28.

It would appear as though I have been neglecting you once more. Reason being is that I've allocated my time in a more efficient manner. One in which my main focus is School.

Yet I've come across another little blip in the road.
It's not really helping.

Could it be that this is a sign from a higher being or am I just feeding the fire with invisible gas?

I think it's time for a tour.
Either decision would only read me to the inevitable conclusion.
CHOOSE THE PATH WHICH HOLDS MOST FUN.

Obsession:

ob⋅ses⋅sion   [uhb-sesh-uhn]
–noun
1. the domination of one's thoughts or feelings by a persistent idea, image, desire, etc.
2. the idea, image, desire, feeling, etc., itself.
3. the state of being obsessed.
4. the act of obsessing.


my thoughts are always dominated by idea/images/desires.
bombarded each & everyday with depictions of how man should act or be like.
fit me into that nice pair of tan khakis.
cut my hair. trim my beard. polished old car shines bright in the sun.

but i'm no car.
in fact i hate concrete. i don't like sidewalks.






I WANT TO HAVE SEX IN THE WILDERNESS.
sober.
and drunk.

so stoked.

I am the most impatient of them all.
I am the one who beats myself up & grounds myself.

I am my own worst enemy & what makes it even worse
is
that
I
FUCKING
know
it.

wahhhhhhhhhhhhh

welllllllllllly welllllllllllll it's been a really long time since I've updated, as if you were incapable of reading the date, and it's largely due to my procrastination and the fact that the internet service got interrupted followed by a disconnection, BUT FEAR NOTTTTTTTTTTT YOUNG READERS for my loving mother aware that I also use the net for school business offered to re-connect.

So let's begin, school isn't going all that well. It seems as though there is a lot more to marketing & finance that i'm not catching & there sure as hell as is a ton of stuff i'm not understanding correctly in my int. econ class. Other than the 3 aforementioned classes I seem to be doing well. Nothing spectacular. Spring semester is nearing the end and I couldn't be much happier for the summer posses plenty trees bearing fruits for my hard labor.

Oh and how sweet the preview isssssssssssssssss!
I just want to share this wonderful taste with everyone, but my voice has been stolen and i'm restrained by the overwhelming powers of the monarch's shadow.







FUCKING NASHINGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Radmouth

over

it's been quite sometime since I've used you, just like the disposable life that fills this bag.

I've recognized it, and well since you've been more than kind to my insane(understatement) brain i figured i might as well let you know how my life is...

well i'm not too sure how I am, but life is moving faster than the naked eye can see. Rambo has left the planet. He barked his last breath in my Father's arms. Although I can honestly say, he's in much better place, I wasn't ready to part ways. It took me too long to realize the value animals possess. That they have rights and should be treated as such. It's been about a month since I made a pledge to him and for all fun he's shared with me and all the memories my dog has given me, I will never turn my back on him or my pledge.

RAMBO (RIP) February 18th, 2009.

Badmouth shows are getting a lot more fun as time goes bye. Our pool of friends seems to be growing with each and every show we play and i'm more than thankful to anyone who's granted us the opportunity to even play. There is no shortage of people who openly dislike us, and it takes so much in me to hold my feelings in. I do though, because we all have a mind of our own and just as I don't like every song created they don't have to like mine. We recently played in Andy's (Wilderness) garage after a backyard gig was shut down by the cops. Deadhead, Suedehead, Amongst Wolves, Nightmare Vision, Sunshine and Badmouth & a lot of our friends all packed into his garage. Pool Table dives, sweaty walls, foggy windows, constant movement & a lot of fun.

Procrastination is my main game, and without even trying i've become the champion. erase the definition from the storage in my frontal lobe. I think I really need to reassess my life, or my career choices. I seriously dislike the machine the univ. attempts to make out of me.

Cogwheels and conveyor belts, oil and grease.
money and greed, mass murder and seeds
automated thoughts, heartless machines.

uncertainty has taken me over.

peep dressin'

half of the time i have no clue what vile, ridiculous, disgusting, ignorant thoughts slide between the spaces of my teeth, crawl over my lips only to spill on the ground. as if anything that comes out could ever become a coherent thought.

half the time i have no idea why we follow the blind herd only to be led to an empty drinking site. conditioned from the darkest depths of this wretched soul to the very skin that's stretched over the bones in my toes. as if anything similar to me could ever be a free thinker.


half the time i know not why we even are or better yet who we even are. half the time i only wish i knew while the other half i roam around carelessly gnawing away at the flesh presented before me as if i suffered from ADHD. incessantly chewing on my own fingertips, the taste of blue blood fills my mouth, until i finally reach the pearly white bone. i slowly tear myself apart because i have nothing else which i deem better. i attempt to end what i can't comprehend. within i'm a huddled figure, comforting myself. i hold my own hand. i love my own self. i am my own self.

iammyownself.
i ammyownself.
i am myownself.
i am m yownself
i am my ownself.
i am my ow nself.
i am my own self.

ON THE RECORD...

I'd like to clarify that all I know is that I don't know.



I had my head checked by a jumbo jet.
it wasn't easy, but nothing is. no.

20 January 2009.

It is only an hour a few minutes until Johntoya's date of birth.


Happy birthday my amazing friend.

The Inland Empire (not including Juve) can eat shit, catch an irremovable cancer, suffer from down syndrome, AIDS, Gonorrhea, Syphilis, & suffer for 40 long years & live to tell about it.

you see, not even the fucking devil himself will allow you to sleep in peace.
FUCK YOU CITY OF SHIT.

18 January 2009.

I am not a slave to injustice nor will my spirit crumble when the town yells for me to be hung at the gallows.

Anger and frustration birthed from ignorant rumors and childish behavior/belief.

Understand that I care not for what army empowers your weak mind, nor will I allow room for automated responses in my mind, but above everything else I will not serve as the ground for your feet.

Eat shit. Die twice.

14 Wednesday, January

the waters been running while i make my bed every night.
i can't find the problem & it just keeps flowing.



don't let anyone know about this, then i'd have to come up with sort of an explanation.

and how can I explain what I don't even comprehend!?

8, January 2009, Thursday

earthquakes in my head, they're far off the richter scale.


grey skies and fog.
clear indicators of an oncoming storm.

i just want to walk on sunshine.