At once I used to be able to

Figure it out.

Even

if you could listen

I doubt

I could

ex-plain.

HC-TEKS.

HC-Teks here! I'd just like to point out that I won't be at the following event/party, but a fellow much like myself will be. If you happen to stumble upon his presence please take a moment of your time to greet & meet myformerself. It shall be pleasant.

-SKETCH.

Woke up & baked, but everyday I'm realizing that

Everyday I love you less & less

"If YOU LOVE WEALTH more than LIBERTY, the tranquility of servitude better than the

animating contest of FREEDOM, DEPART from US in PEACE. We ask not your counsel

nor your arms. Crouch down and lick the hand that feeds you. May your chains rest

lightly upon you and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen."

Samuel Adams, (1722-1803)

U.S. Founding Father and Public Enemy #1

It saddens me daily to see that we (humanity in general) are chemically dependent. Even more when I realize that there is not a thing we can do.

Do you love a person because of who they are or because of how they make you feel? Or maybe you're ADDICTED to the chemicals your brain releases when you're around a certain person?

The same effect when you purchase materials?

We're quick to draw & shoot aimlessly in the dark only if we assume that we're in the clear.

Only once we've dumped the whole clip do we realize that the bullets hit closer to home than we come to the realization that a bullet never discriminates based upon religion, race, gender, or sex.

Today I visited my old friend Reality. I wasn't welcome, so it was.

& the door was sealed shut. I'll exist elsewhere.

"Anthrax, death threats, X enhance sex

Steroids effects pecs, abs and biceps

Advil relieves pain, trees deceive brains

Just add a little chemical, you start to see thangs

Water filled with fluoride'll fix up your teeth

Hormones are gettin pumped in pigs, chicken and beef

Alcohol slurs words, Mydol controls birds

Xanax calms your nerves if your brain's disturbed

Vitamin C for health to take care of yourself

And you can even cure AIDS if you got enough wealth

Food coloring tricks you, glucose addicts you

All the dirty shit in food is why your clothes don't fit you

Red Bull pumps your energy, weed fucks with memory

Coke mixed with Hennessy turns friends to enemies

Pills to stop pregnancies, slow the flow steadily

Incredible, we're based on a chemical dependency"

-Apathy

Today

I managed to keep my eyes dry, still I couldn't find the means to drive you out of my mind.

I'm building a solid foundation.

Better yet, your actions are aiding me in my conquest to forcibly expel you from my brain.

SLIP AWAY.

DONE.

GONE.

I NEED

seasonal depression.

"Shy people notice everything, but never get noticed themselves"

I think things & I desire to share them with you, but my mind seems to negate these feelings simply because I assume that they've been said before.

I want to tell you things, but there seems to be some sort of sickness in my head which retains me from doing so because I can't put them into words that sound attractive in my head.

I want to crack my skull, much like an egg, so that I can spill all my thoughts onto a piece of paper, canvas, shoe, wall, sky, shirt, faces, heads, fingers, hands, arms, wagons, buses, cars, hearts & many inanimate objects because every time I start to write it seems like every pen I touch is filled with disappearing ink.

I feel anger, but never enough to justify a RE-ACTION (only well though critical actions).

I feel love, but not in the sense of a relationship & I've been a few years overdue.

but much like everyone else my insecurities multiply before my very eyes

allowing for the creation of fallacies, which slowly begin to fill my head.

as their numbers increase I begin to believe in them.

my confidence, or lack there of...has up & gone.

I can't find any interest in anything.

the things I once loved so dearly & held so close to my heart have turned their back on me.

I no longer feel hate.

It used to be that I couldn't understand anything I hated.

The pieces just would not fit despite all the strength I added.

The puzzle was not complete.

Then I realized that there are things which will either directly or indirectly affect me & I will have no control over them whatsoever. I couldn't hate what I had no control over.

Then I realized that there were opinions and thoughts that I surrounded myself with on a daily basis which I didn't feel to comfortable dressing in, yet were as real as the sun. Again, I couldn't hate what I had no control over.

Then I realized that what is in ME isn't in SHE, or HE, or HIM or HER, or THEY & definitely not THEM.

& these things would continue to function properly.

Generating and instilling life in their shells.

Which IS and ALWAYS WILL BE completely different from those that fill mine, yet still retain a sense of similarity. Again, I would learn that these are THINGS are THINGS which I had NO CONTROL over.

I'm not gonna beat a dead horse here.

I rarely find joy in repetition, but depression doesn't seem to get it.

Am I standing up?

Would you care to talk?

maybe share a thought or exchange some vowels?

Should i wear my seatbelt or catch a ride with death?

pay no mind to the warning signs, this is a cold call.